Reader Mail: “I Am A Black Man Only Interested In White Woman”

My inbox has been filling up since I’ve started this Reader Mail tag. I mean, it’s not a bad thing after fishing through some of the “bad” mail to find some like this one.

I’ll tell you now, if you’re a black woman who feels betrayed or hurt when you see a black man with a white woman, I suggest you NOT read this mail.

But you’re going to read it anyway, aren’t you?

This mail was sent to me July 20, but like I mentioned above, I’ve been really busy with another project and work. This guy sent me his name but asked to remain anonymous. Well okay then, here we go…


For a long time, I fought the urge to admit to myself that I’m only attracted to white women, mainly because I don’t have a reason to only be attracted to white women. I find black women beautiful. I’ve dated a few beautiful black and successful women, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be interested in a relationship as she was. I’ve never dated a white woman but I’m interested. I’ve joined interracial dating sites to make it happen and so far I’ve been unsuccessful. Like I said, I have nothing against black women. My mom is black and my sister and I are best friends. I just can’t see myself in a relationship with a black woman. And this is what bothered me because I had no idea why. I seeked help online about this and I’ve been told that everybody has their preferences and if I like white women, then that’s just my preference and if black women can’t understand that, then maybe that’s just one of the reasons that I’m unattracted. I just wanted to share this story because reading some of these comments from my sisters are quite painful and hopefully my sisters will understand that everybody has preferences and not all black men are moving towards white women.

You’re right.

Black women are beautiful. They know that. You and I know that. So we can’t blame them for feeling some type of way if we don’t let them see that we know that…


Also, I find it interesting how you say that some of the comments posted by black women on this subject are “painful” when you, yourself, can’t even provide a valid reason why you’re unattracted to them.

Let’s see, you say that you’ve dated “beautiful black and successful women” but you couldn’t bring yourself to be interested in a relationship as she was.


She was beautiful. She was successful. What’s stopping you from dating her?

Ooooh. She was black. And you wonder why the “sisters” are upset. *smh*

I know your mail wasn’t a question, but I couldn’t help but evaluate it thoroughly.

So until you provide a VALID reason why you think you’re unattracted to black women, I’m gon’ have to give you the *side eye*

    • Breezydancer
    • July 24th, 2010

    Jamal, where the heck did you find that picture?? Hilarious!! In response to this post, Id be more apt to believe this dude then some of the other guys who don’t date black women. Good luck in your quest for a Becky, anon!! PS: Dont take these comments that personally, they are not meant to hurt….sorry!

    • Sonya
    • July 26th, 2010

    I find it hard to believe that those Black men who exclusively or preferentially date women of other races have no valid reason why they do. I myself being a beautiful, successful, God-fearing, open-minded, intelligent & artistic black woman live & breathe the depth and beauty of a black on black relationship but also realize that relationships in general; whether interracial or otherwise can be beautiful. So limiting oneself to one specific race may be an injustice to that individual. Historically there is a lot of pain and joy associated with knowing the story of Black America (both men & women) and until a person of color can understand this story I unsure whether they will ever be able to respect the union of a black man & woman.

    My pain is deep and so his, maybe the other race can provide some sort of relief from this pain. Because maybe I remind him of this pain daily thus there can never be the totality of a perfect union between he and I. On the other hand I welcome his pain so that I can soothe that which has enslaved him for so long. Therefore he and I can see our beauty for what it is… pure and deeper than just what is on the surface.

    There has been negative connotations about the black woman that tend to make black men feel uneasy around them, i.e. nagging, gold digging, hair weave wearing, over weight, lazy, unsuccessful, cussing, fussing, etc. But if a man is looking in the places where this is the norm then whether she is black, white, Latino, Asian, etc., he will get just that. There are some black women who simply don’t fit the aforementioned. And if she does but she has that something that makes that man want to find out more, do you (black man) think that maybe she needs to know that she is a beautiful queen without the stigma. This just might be the thing that reforms her. Or is that just too much work for the average black man? However, we black women (most of the time) will do what we have to do to uplift that black man regardless of what stigma he has had to endure.

    Just food for thought

    • DG
    • April 10th, 2011

    You’re right.

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