Re: “And The ‘Nice Guy’ Continues To Finish Last. Why Are Females Attracted To ‘Bad Boys'”?

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This post is based on an e-mail I received from a YouKnowDAMNWell.com reader. (Just so you know, you can send me e-mails about whatever whenever you want @ jamelwilkinsonline@yahoo.com.) The e-mail was a response to my post “And The “Nice Guy’ Continues To Finish Last. Why Are Females Attracted To ‘Bad Boys'”?

Here’s what the reader sent (Of course I asked for approval before posting):

I’m so tired of the good girl, bad boy mix. I don’t understand how beautiful, seemingly smart women fall for such jerks who have nothing goin 4 themselves. My last relationship ended because my gf rather be with a jerk! I get filled with anger when i think about how she betrayed me. Now i just don’t care anymore. i just care when their bad boys start hitting them and abusing them and then they start crying for someone like us good guys to help them out of their relationship. that is why i never make friends with those type of girls and i have become the man i never thought id be. im not looking for a relationship anymore because the pain was too much. i used to scold my friends because they sleep around with girls and break up with them. now it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. i hate feeling this way but i dont wanna go thru that ever again. -Alex

What a mouthful Alex! You make some very valid points, but, at the same time, you sound like you are still quite young. I know what you been through wasn’t easy and the hurt has obviously misguided you when it comes to how you treat women. Though you are doing more harm to yourself by remaining in the state your ex has left you in….

Try venting to someone that you TRUST. I personally find that the best way to deal with a lot of personal issues–it worked for me in a similar situation to what you are going through now. As I confessed to one of my closest friends the affliction I was dealing with, he then vented to me how he felt when it happened to him! And for a split-second, there was no pain. No hurt. No…anything! Just a friend who was going through the same thing I was going through. I didn’t plan to tell my personal story, but I’m trying to be to you what my friend was to me. I know it helps to hear that you are not alone. Yes it hurts–like hell! But I promise, over time, you’ll get over it. I know because I’ve been there. Hope I helped.

– Jamel Terain Wilkins

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  1. I can understand where Alex is coming from, since I myself am putting myself on hiatus from a serious relationship. I’m a divorced single parent of two, and I just don’t have time for the aggravation, and I honestly get tired of putting myself out there as a real woman w/ real goals and only receiving nothing more from guys than attempts to sleep with me. It’s ludicrous!

    So, like Alex, I’m just going to play the field until maybe someone who SEEMS worthy of what I have to offer as a person presents themselves.

    Relationships aren’t easy, and I give props to those persons who are straight up about what they want from the beginning before things enter a state of confusion.

    • A_MAZE_n
    • May 16th, 2010

    Thx for your reply jamel. I’m over her now but she wants to be friends now. or maybe she wants to get back with me? and im not that young im 17. anyway i took your advice and spoke with my dad and after i felt so mcuh better. -alex

    • Chariel
    • May 17th, 2010

    Alex honey you are young in age and experience and as you age you will find that more women will go for the bad guy. But if you are a gentleman then you will always get that one who notices you. I am a good girl college educated. I gfraduated cum lade with a biology degree, microbiology option and histotechnique training and a MSN, CNL, RN, CRNA (maybe MD later) in progress. So I am what society classifies as a “good girl” and I went thru that bad boy period terribly. Im only 24 but I had that phase since I first became interested in boys at 14. But that’s all it is, a phase. Im just attracted to that swagger but as you get older you need the right balance of thugism like a tu pac or a plies. I can’t say I’m over it cuz I married a balanced man who is an overall gentleman with knowledge about the streets. I digress but you can’t knock a woman for what she prefers. even still you will eventually find that woman who will love you for you so don’t model yourself after an individual you thinkk that women would want because the lines can get blurred quickly and u will lose yaself

    • Chariel
    • May 17th, 2010

    hey look I know I got typos like ‘graduated’ and ‘think’ but im typing on my phone and this damn T9 is irritating ok

    • Mz Jazzie e
    • May 22nd, 2010

    Umm…Alex, why would you still even care for someone who left you for somebody else? On to the next sweetie.

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